i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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