She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
