i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
