I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
