i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
