I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
