You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
