You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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