I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
