My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
