i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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