Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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