What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
