chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
