I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
