but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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