I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
