I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
