You're so nebulous sometimes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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