Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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