im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
