i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
