is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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