"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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