My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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