38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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