I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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