Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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