I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
