My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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