Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
