That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
