What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
