Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
