im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
