Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
