i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
