Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
