Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
