Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
