I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
