Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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