So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
