i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
