I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
