I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
