I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
