I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
