It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
