I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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