i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
