so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
