You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
