I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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