I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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