wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
